Thursday, October 13, 2016

C-Section

I have never in my wildest dreams wanted or thought I would ever have a c-section.  I could never understand why people who didn't need to have them, scheduled them, wanted them, planned on them, look forward to having them! But when you have a 28 week preemie and she is breach, you need to have an emergency one.

My first pregnancy was vaginal and he basically stayed in there for almost 24 hours and then I spent 1.5 hours pushing, until I vomited and he flew out. She was out in 30 minutes. The drugs were good and I saw nothing, felt nothing. It felt like tugging. I remember them closing me up and tugging more. I kept picturing my insides and organs splayed across the hospital bed. One person said "bikini season is over" and I imagined a huge slit down my tummy. Although the slit is just along the hair line. Day one is ok, because you have morphine running through you. Day 2 is a bitch. You can't go to the bathroom (besides the fact I had a catheter, which took forever to pee again after) I also had an experience with fainting since I needed a blood transfusion. Finally day 5 out of the hospital was fine, but you feel like a caged animal. You can't sleep on your side, you can't drive, you can excessively use stairs, you can't pick up the dog or your son who is over 5 lbs. Your scar twinges and your belly is constantly numb. UGH. Pain meds are fine and so are naps, but its awful. Also, my feet swelled up like cantaloupes and finally went down after a few days.

After week 2 you can drive again and you feel more free. I think now by week 4 I feel more like me. Emotionally however, you are a mess. Raging hormones and not leaving the hospital with your baby. For me, it was seeing all the swollen pregnant bellies, complaining about it. Like I wish I could hold my baby in my body longer to where she needs. But I couldn't.

By week 6 they say I will be back to normal. But what is normal anymore? 

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